Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Alot has happened since you died. We lost the house... so now we rent. Dad moved. We don't speak much anymore. He's got his own life to live and so do I. Grandma only made it another year... then she died too. She's buried with you. Hope you don't mind too much. It's what we could afford at the time. But I guess money matters aren't high on the list for you anymore. You have better things to think about now.

I've tried not to miss you too much... but it's not working. I don't let myself think about you too much either. But that doesn't really work. Most people would think that harsh of me.. that I am trying to forget you. As if I could. I just don't want there to be some sort of pull to this realm... keeping you from doing what ever it is that you do in the afterlife. They say on those paranormal shows that ghosts get trapped between realms...sometimes because of unfinished business. I don't want you to be trapped. I let you go the day you died. I knew how unhappy you were here. I knew how your health hurt you. I know the things you couldn't do bothered you. I know you felt trapped enough here on earth... I don't want yout trapped again.

You'd be proud of your grand-daughters. The oldest is turning into quite the young lady. Can you believe she's almost ready to drive??? And in a few years she'll be off to college!!! She's taking all the "hard" classes this year and next. She certainly has set some challenging, yet attainable, academic goals. And she's made to the top chior too. Quite the young lady... and I mean lady... indeed.

The youngest is something else. LOL... you'd marvel at the things she does and the things she says. Not many "almost 11" year olds grasp the concepts she does. LOL.. not many adults can grasp them either. She's almost like an old soul. There are times when you look at her and you can see the ancient wisdom right there in her blue eyes. You'd be so proud of her too. She took an interest in drums for awhile. But we couldn't afford a drum set. So... she wheeled and dealed with a friend of ours.. and she earned their old drum set in exchange for painting their steps. She did a good job too. Didn't splash the paint about and double checked to makes sure she got the edges and corners. Our friends were impressed with the attention to detail and the work ethic she put into the painting job.

J lost his dad this spring to cancer. He wanted to go back for a bit to see his dad... but his dad said no. He wanted his son to remember him how he was before he got sick. They talked on the phone...and J got to say goodbye... but I think he still wanted to be there. However, he honored his dad's wishes. His mom's too.

Thanksgiving was good this year. We did a lot of sale shopping and planning ahead and made everything from scratch... and we had a wonderful dinner for way less than we had planned on. And we didn't have to trim the menu or put anything back. And the left overs will stretch a bit too. So that's going to help since rent is due in a few days and my next pay check all goes to pay rent.

I suppose that's about it for now Mom. I love you. I sure do miss you.
I'll write again soon...

Love ~B~